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August 27

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA


August 28

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA


September 12

The Trocadero
Philadelphia, PA


September 13

State Theatre
Falls Church, VA
Cheapest tickets are at the Venue Box Office


September 18

San Jose Improv
San Jose, CA


September 19

The Mohawk
Austin, TX


September 27

Plaza Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV


October 8

El Paso Comic Strip Comedy Club
El Paso, TX


October 9

Albuquerque, NM


October 10

GoldenLight Cantina
Amarillo, TX


October 13

Outland Ballroom
Springfield, MO


October 14

Deja Vu Comedy Club
Columbia, MO


October 15

Jukebox Comedy Club
Peoria, IL


October 16

Rock Island Brewing Company
Rock Island, IL


October 17

Reggie's Live
Chicago, IL


October 18

Reggie's Live
Chicago, IL


October 20

Dr. Grins @ The BOB
Grand Rapids, MI


October 21

Pittsburgh Improv
Pittsburgh, PA


October 22

Snickerz Comedy Club
Fort Wayne, IN


October 23

Cleveland Improv
Cleveland OH


October 24

The Machine Shop
Flint, MI


October 25

The Token Lounge
Detroit, MI


November 11

The Greek Club
Brisbane, AU


November 12

Venue TBA
Canberra, AU


November 14

UNSW Roundhouse
Sydney, AU


November 16

Capri Theatre
Adelaide, AU


November 18

Fly By Night Club
Perth, AU


November 22

Dallas Brooks Centre
Melbourne, AU



Dying For Football



Another night, another Stanhope Sausage Army Hate-Fest Comedy Show.

My Facebook page shows my demographics as being nearly 82 percent male. I think if there were a Facebook Fan Page for Rape it would have more chicks "like" it. 

Granted, the 18 percent of ladies that do show up are pretty fucking cool, intelligent and probably do ass sex but it's still confusing to me why there is probably a higher percentage women in combat roles in the military than among my audience.

No sense in fighting it. I'll just have to accept it for what it is.

It's football season anyway and I need to talk point-spreads and over/unders and survivor pool picks without any interruption. Not that it's only women who find football to be stupid by any stretch. There's plenty of guys and Europeans who remind me of that on every NFL-related Facebook post.

I know it's stupid. It's just as stupid as any number of other pointless endeavors that waste away the hours. You have yours, I have mine. Mine is football season.

This year I didn't book Saturdays on the road so I wouldn't have to travel on Sundays. I'll be at the house from the first Bloody Mary at kick-off Sunday morning until the last beer on Monday Night.

But this year won't be as much fun without Russ Dunn. Russ was my friend and one of the regulars at the house every weekend for the games. He and I happily admitted that we were the gayest football fans in the world because we were both fixated on the uniforms. We'd talk about them like we were flaming fashion critics. We were really hoping for a Jets/Packers because the colors would compliment each other so well. We got giddy as school-girls when the Patriots or the Bucs wore their throwbacks.

Yep. Gay as shit. Russ died of a massive brain aneurysm in March, leaving a massive hole in Bisbee and it's going to be that much more apparent once the season kicks off... when I'm the only guy with a boner on the weekend that the Titans break out their old Oilers uniforms.

It'd be nice if the rest of you stopped dying for a while except for the ones I have in my celebrity death pool and those people really need to step up. I've dropped to fifth place in the pool after so many others scored big on Amy Winehouse.




This Thursday Marc Maron will be airing my second appearance on his WTF podcast. It's the hip thing to do and we don't talk about football at all from what I remember. Set your clocks for it. 

Available HERE on Thursday.


Here's What Happened...



I'll make this brief. I used to want to concoct this kind of attention but now it's almost like fish in a barrel.
I was on BBC Radio 5 Live with Richard Bacon a few days ago here in London. There is no BBC radio that I know of that resembles any kind of American terrestrial morning radio much less Howard Stern, etc. It all pretty much feels like an even more uptight, humorless version of NPR and I have resigned myself to play along and give boring, toothless interviews without jokes.
Richard Bacon seemed to appreciate that I wasn't throwing his career into disarray by forcing parts of my act in where it didn't belong. The problem with doing a straight interview on a station that appeals to the mainstream is that some of the listeners might actually come to your show having no idea what is in store and will be sadly disappointed or butt-hurt. Mr Bacon did his best to warn his people in a very English, passive-aggressive way by using 1000 big words to say I was very offensive.
As an aside, he said that if anyone didn't believe that I'm really that bad, they should find my Sarah Palin bit on YouTube. And then the polite, gentlemanly interview ended.
Now we get to a classic case of the blind leading the blind - or in this case the idiots leading the retarded. 
The following appeared on the home page of the Down's Syndrome Association of the UK:
DSA make official complaint following Richard Bacon's Radio 5 Live Show
- Friday, 05 August 2011 12:54
The Down's Syndrome Association is shocked that a BBC employee has publicised the work of a comedian which is nothing more than a vile offensive rant and conflicts with BBC guidelines which state a responsibility to 'protect the vulnerable and avoid unjustifiable offence'. 
During Richard Bacon's BBC 5 show yesterday afternoon he directed listeners to a video of Doug Stanhope discussing the son of Sarah Palin on YouTube.
The child was born with Down's syndrome and Mr Stanhope's comments about him were abhorrent.
As a public body the BBC should not be promoting the work of such an individual. Therefore the Down's Syndrome Association has logged an official complaint with the BBC.  We encourage everyone to do to the same using the link below -   
Well, guess what, fuck-mouth? I encourage my fans to contact that same link as well. 
If I were to dissect that piece of comedy, I could make very defensible points; that I was actually making satire of the personal attacks in political campaigns, or commenting on the attempts by some Republicans to bring god into politics, or any number of lesser arguments but the truth is that it was just flat-out shock humor meant to appeal to the most base part of my own personal sense of awful humor.
That is the same sense of humor that Richard Bacon repeatedly warned you about for your own good. Yet you still sought out the clip? Imagine if Richard Bacon had actress Sasha Grey as a guest, someone who is known for her cross-over from pornography. He warns the audience over and over that some of her x-rated work would be upsetting. You race to your computer to watch, then blame Mr Bacon and implore folks to file complaints saying that Richard Bacon was "directing" you to do so?
Do you see why you suck shit? You see why you are far more deserving of the moniker "retarded?"
I don't care if you come after me for things that I've said. You can obviously see that I don't give a fuck. Going after a presenter and the network for having a guest who once said something years ago that was vaguely alluded to? You are a cabal of cowards and self-important dim-wits and the authorities who you run to for muscle should be the same people that deem you unfit to care for those you purport to be defending.
In short, you are not fit to protect the retarded.
Oh... and go fuck yourself in the head. I'm pretty drunk and bored with yelling at the stone walls that are your minds.




Performing at Litla-Hraun Prison in Iceland



September 25th at 6pm,

I've finally landed a gig in Iceland where I've always wanted to go. Bingo and I planned a trip over at the end of September and the Mayor of Reykjavik, comedian Jon Gnarr, is hooking me up with a gig playing at the only maximum security prison in the country. I didn't want to confuse a short vacation with the headaches of a gig but playing a prison is something I've always wanted to do and a prison in Iceland makes it ten-fold the fun.

So, if you're in Iceland and want to go to the show, you have a couple of months to get convicted of something and then you'll be able to see me absolutely free. And don't bother waiting for next time.

Here's the deal. I will only ever play Iceland at the prison. I want to create what will be commonly known as the "Doug Stanhope defense" where defendants claim that they only committed the crime in order to get into my show. That would amuse the shit out of me. I have very little ego about all the trappings of this silly life but a few things still make me smile.

About five or six people that I know of now have either my name, face, a cartoon of me or my autograph tattooed on them. That is endlessly funny to me. I have a standing request when anyone I know tells me they are pregnant - that if the baby is horrifically deformed to the point it could get freak show work, they have to name it Doug Stanhope. That hasn't happened yet.

But if you get sent to prison in Iceland just to see my show at the end of September, I will tattoo your name on my weathered body somewhere. Cuz that would be funny as shit.