July 13th, 2016: Touring/Secret Shows/Book Update/Etc

So it seems Oprah hasn't taken notice of my book "Digging Up Mother" but your tenacity has pushed sales past everyone's expectations, especially my own. Keep it up! It's now available everywhere in the world so far as I know, including the UK where it has a way better cover. You can get it on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk or Amazon anywhere. You can get a signed copy from my website for far more money. Don't give me malarkey about international shipping charges. Yell at the post office guy. Because it's that specific guy's fault.

The Amazon reviews are greatly appreciated and the Facebook/Twitter plugs make me giddy since I feel grotesque every time I have to do it myself. But the publishers probably expect that I will promote the fucking thing so thanks for doing the ugly work for me. Free signed copy for the best/funniest tweet plugging it before the end of the month. Don't forget the sales link!

Or better still as I write this and drink... approach your local radio/newspaper or random podcast via email as my publicist asking to set up an interview with me to promote my new book. Then do the interview as me. Then just make shit up so long as it sounds believable. If you can pull this off, I'll have to come up with something more than just a signed book. My manager would probably frown on this idea but fuck him, He's probably off in Fiji somewhere spending all my money.

Meanwhile, I'll be off on a small tour working out new material, hosting a tour in hot spots in the coveted Mountain Time Zone with my good friends and monster headliners Brett Erickson and Kristine Levine. Gotta work out new shit somewhere. Now all I need is new shit. So you'd better be funny.

There's a couple holes in the schedule so we may do some surprise shows or live podcasts. Make sure you're on the mailing list to find out. Disregard if you're getting this via the mailing list.

If you don't listen to the podcast then you're a prolapsed rectum or you have a life. Either way, I hate you. Or envy you. What's the difference. Start catching up with the recent "There Will Be Blood" episode HERE. It's highly disturbing. I won't listen to it. But you can.

Your loyalty compared to my work ethic is drastically skewed in your favor right now. I will over-correct that and then give you shit about your loyalty. What a dick I am. Thanks for playing along.

This is gonna be the best year ever once we get it out of the way.

We die at the end. Have a nice day.