Dear Victor,

Will a man divorced, 40 years old, after 16 years of marriage and 2 children ever get over being bitter? During 16 years of marriage and 2 children, he always had something else to do - usually involving his friends and drinking - never home. So, I divorced him after 16 years of loneliness and being just a warm place to put his - I'm finally at ease and happy, but because of contact with the 2 kids (ages 12 and 15) he constantly makes me feel like I ruined his life and the kids. You must have a lot of time to think about things, so what the hell, what do you think? I think I'd trust yor opinion more than Dear Abbey. 

Thanks! Noodle


Dear Lisa, 

It was good to receive your e-mail, and I hope this finds you well. Forgive delay in reply, as e-mail is forwarded reg. mail. You are welcome to write via reg. mail if you wish. 

Your are finally at ease and happy, after your divorce.....that's your words therefore I take it as words from soul. BUT contact with ex - due to his visiting the kids brings you down.... I admire fact you allow visits, as many women try to use the children as a tool, instead of thinking of there well being. 

Never put your ex-down in front of the kids, in ANYWAY. It hurts them, and makes them pick sides. Allow his OWN actions speak for SELF. The kids on own will see him for who he is. 

As for his mouth to you everytime he comes around. You could set up a time for him to pick up the kids, and time of return. This would make it so you don't need be around him long. Or as he mouths picture in your mind a pile of shit with a mouth. Let the words go in one ear and out other. KNOW you're happyer without him, and his mouth IS reiforcing that. 

If you allow anothers words control YOUR view of SELF, they are then winner. Stay strong, love your kids and love SELF. 


Advice from Death Row 
Victor M. Farr 


#541170 P1206S 
U.C.I. -

P.O. Box 221

Raiford, FL. 32083-0221