Dear Victor, 

I come to you desperately seeking advice. My problem is a most perplexing one, to which I can see no obvious solution. You see, I have been offered a fantastical reward from a travelling Aussie git, who stayed with our deranged LA comedian friend if I can pose you a decent problem... So my quandry is... that I don't have a problem. I have been wracking my (rather meager) mind for days and still nothing. What should I do?? I have considered swapping my girlfriends birthcontrol pills for sugar pills, so that I can debate whether or not to use the coat-hanger. I spose I could assault officer-friendly, and that would give me something to talk to you about, like how to keep "Bubba" outta my ass. Can you help Victor?

Help me WIN the probably-shithouse trinket! >>Dan

 

Sorry it's taken me abit to get reply to ya.....with State about to kill one of my friends, it's got my mind fucked-up. 

It seems the problem is you THINK you've no problem....Go to some nut doctor, or get in some relationship with a woman, and you'll soon learn you DO have problems. I promise you they WILL think of something...If nothing else they will blame YOU for THERE problem. This is why masturbation is important. Talk to ya self as you fist fuck and no one to answer to.

Now call our L.A. friend, and tell him you need come clean. That it's really been troubleing you when at his house you pisses in his bathroom sink, and rubed his toothbrush to your dick head...

Late, 

Advice from Death Row 
Victor M. Farr 

#541170 P1206S 
U.C.I.

P.O. Box 221 
Raiford, FL. 32083-0221