Dear Swanson Frozen Dinners,

I have always been a big fan of your frozen dinners and last night I had a wonderful thing happen that I think you should know about. I took out one of your salisbury steak dinners, my favorite (almost like meat!), and was surprised to find in it a prehistoric Iceman, frozen in there for thousands of years! I put it in the microwave and watched intently as he began to thaw and stir about. After 3-4 minutes at medium power he became conscious and started to dance around in his woolly mammoth fur toga. I let him out and he went on a rampage, finally free after so long in a block of ice, and he killed all my house pets. I tried to eat the rest of the dinner but kept discovering more and more artifacts, from primitive digging tools to hieroglyphics in the walls of my apple-crumb cake He spent the night by the fire and in the morning he was beaten to death by my frightened mailman. I must admit that I was thoroughly entertained by this extraordinary event but I don’t know that I’d want all my dinners to have crazed pre-cambrian Icemen springing out of them. Please let me know which meals have the least amount of archaeological finds.

Thank You,
Doug Stanhope