Dear Supercuts,

I am an 87 year old narcoleptic and I have my hair cut at your store every four weeks. This last time, I had an experience that was very hurtful and wish to share it with you. I was laying back in the chair while having my hair washed and managed to doze off as I often do. Narcolepsy is a condition that leaves me prone to nod off at any given time, uncontrollably. While I was sawing logs, though, your employees had some fun at my expense.

They made me up with garish lipstick and eyeshadow and painted my fingernails in several bright colors. They also filled my hand with shaving cream and tickled my nose you I pie-jobbed myself right in the kisser with the cream. My other hand meantime, had been placed in a glass of warm so as to make me incontinent all about my new trousers. All my hair had been moussed straight up in the air and I was sporting unfashionable clip-on earrings and a garter with lacy stockings. I woke the shrieking laughter of some 10-15 patrons and employees. Seeing myself in the mirror, I began to cry and ran out.

I returned shortly thereafter when I realized I hadn’t paid, only to find them passing around Polaroid pictures they’d taken of me with my pants down in several suggestive positions. It wasn’t until then that I noticed my pubic region had been shaved into a little heart shape. I asked the man who’d been cutting my hair what in hells bells he thought he was doing and he told me to “get over myself” and called me a “homophobe”.

I don’t know if this behavior was due to my familiarity with the staff but, frankly, I do not see the humor in it. I’d like an apology from the persons responsible. I also want to know how I can retrieve those photos before the wind up in the hands of some shifty pornographer.

 

Thank You,
Doug Stanhope