Dear Rand McNally,

I recently took a vacation with my family and brought your road atlas along to help navigate us across the country. While driving through the beautiful state of Tennessee, we decided to take a side road listed on the map as a scenic route and it was some of the most incredible countryside I'd ever laid eyes on. We pulled into a picnic area and before I knew what was happening, I was being gang raped by a pack of filthy mountain men. Callused hands with dirty fingernails held me down and probed my body with an ardent fervor. I asked what they were doing and they said simply, "checking for worms.". At this point I assumed that they were fishermen and allowed them to continue but eventually I felt duped when I was repeatedly sodomized by all 10-15 of them. Besides, not one of them had a pole or a tackle box. I think in future printings you could use some kind of symbol to designate which roads are known to have packs of crazed gay hillbillies who pose as sportsmen in order to forcefully violate innocent tourists. It certainly would have brightened our vacation.

Please let me know your feelings on the matter.

 

Sincerely,

Doug Stanhope