Dear Naples, Florida Police Department,

I recently read that you arrested an 89 year old woman for assaulting an officer. Every time I hear about an officer risking his life and well-being for the sake of the community, I am immediately brought back to the memory of those heroic officers who perished in that World Trade hijinx. This story was no different. My heart sank a beat to think that this elderly woman, probably high on that methamphetamine and out for trouble, would try to cause harm to one of our proud protectors of the peace. And then to use the old cornball excuse that she was just trying to retrieve the pen that belong to her dead husband. Likely story, crackhead! Maybe I am just angry but I think that they should hang all 5 feet and 80 pounds of her from the tallest shrub. While the story gave no report on the condition of the officer after the attack, my family prays that he will pull through and eventually defend justice again.

These hooligans are running roughshod all over our great America and not enough people are willing to stand up to them like your officer. Recently I was babysitting my 7 month old step-nephew Willis, who the family calls “Stoolie”. While waiting for his formula to warm, he went berserk in my arms and began flailing, cracking me in the ear with a roundhouse left. I immediately fled the house and called 911 from the florist shop at the corner to report the battery and asked for as many units as were available. Did they respond? No! They actually hung up the phone on me! I am now considering civil action against both the police and the baby.

I had a similar problem getting charges filed against my wife for forging my name on a graduation card to our daughter. Had I lived in Naples she’d still be in a dark cell instead of at her mother’s house and not accepting my calls.

Please keep fighting the good fight and know that our prayers and support are with you. Every time I read about a cop falling in the line of duty, I will think back to this brave officer who fought to uphold the law and a tear will fall.


Douglas Stanhope


PS. Do you have any literature that shows how to properly put a choke hold on an infant? I have been asked to take care of Stoolie again next weekend and rumor on the streets is that he’s colicky.