Dear IHOP,

Yesterday morning I ate breakfast at your Los Angeles location (Sunset Blvd.) and I think there might have been something wrong with it because this afternoon, while sitting on the toilet, I passed a fully grown, living woodchuck. I can only assume that it had something to do with the Rooti Tooti Fresh and Fruity breakfast and now I'm terrified to go to the bathroom again. Not only was it terribly uncomfortable and messy but it really scared the bejeezus out of the plumber. Please let me know if you've had problems like this in the past.

Sincerely,
Doug Stanhope
doug@dougstanhope.com