Dear Albertson's,

While shopping in your store in Tulsa recently, I came across a woman who was handing out free samples of a new brand of sausage. She handed me a large piece on a toothpick that must have come straight from the fryer because when I popped it into my mouth it scorched half the flesh from my tongue. I swear I could almost hear it sizzle. Panicking, I looked for anything cold to ease the pain. I grabbed a 16lb frozen turkey from the freezer and rested my tongue against it for close to fifteen minutes. When I finally stopped crying, I headed for the checkout stand only to be stopped by the assistant manager who demanded that I purchase the turkey. I explained what had occurred and showed him the blister on my tongue. He said that the blister was probably just herpes and that they had a strict “You lick it, you buy it.” policy. By now a crowd had gathered so I simply bought the turkey and left the store humiliated. I don’t think that a man should be forced into purchasing items simply because he pressed his mouth against it in a time of need. Please let me know your feelings.

 

Thank You,

Doug Stanhope

doug@dougstanhope.com