Dear Abby,

I’ve been a fan of your column since I was a little girl. Like my mother, you always knew exactly the right thing to say. Now I’m a mother myself with 11 month old twins and I only wish I always knew the answer the way you did! Here’s my pickle. We order pizza quite often because it’s just to doggone hard to cook every night and eating at a restaurant is a nightmare. I will usually give the girls a pizza crust with some ranch dressing and they will dip the crust in the sauce and lick it off. Well just a few minutes ago, Mandy, the feisty one, managed to somehow break off a small hunk of crust and tried to swallow it. She couldn’t get it down and now she’s choking on it. She can’t seem to get any air at all and I’m terrified. I was going to try that squeezy-chesty thing that was on ER but I’m afraid that might only be for adults. I don’t want to break her ribs but at this point she’s bluish-purple and has been that way for 5 or 6 minutes. I can’t get to it with my fingers and I’m a little flustered. I thought about dialing 911 but I’m afraid there may be some surcharge for that. What’s a penny-pinching mommy to do?

I’m waiting patiently for your response...

 

Gagging and Near Death,

Doug Stanhope

doug@dougstanhope.com