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TOUR DATES

 

August 27

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA

 

August 28

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA

 

September 12

The Trocadero
Philadelphia, PA

 

September 13

State Theatre
Falls Church, VA
Cheapest tickets are at the Venue Box Office

 

September 18

San Jose Improv
San Jose, CA

 

September 19

The Mohawk
Austin, TX

 

September 27

Plaza Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV

 

October 8

El Paso Comic Strip Comedy Club
El Paso, TX

 

October 9

Launchpad
Albuquerque, NM

 

October 10

GoldenLight Cantina
Amarillo, TX

 

October 13

Outland Ballroom
Springfield, MO

 

October 14

Deja Vu Comedy Club
Columbia, MO

 

October 15

Jukebox Comedy Club
Peoria, IL

 

October 16

Rock Island Brewing Company
Rock Island, IL

 

October 17

Reggie's Live
Chicago, IL

 

October 18

Reggie's Live
Chicago, IL

 

October 20

Dr. Grins @ The BOB
Grand Rapids, MI

 

October 21

Pittsburgh Improv
Pittsburgh, PA

 

October 22

Snickerz Comedy Club
Fort Wayne, IN

 

October 23

Cleveland Improv
Cleveland OH

 

October 24

The Machine Shop
Flint, MI

 

October 25

The Token Lounge
Detroit, MI

 

November 11

The Greek Club
Brisbane, AU

 

November 12

Venue TBA
Canberra, AU

 

November 14

UNSW Roundhouse
Sydney, AU

 

November 16

Capri Theatre
Adelaide, AU

 

November 18

Fly By Night Club
Perth, AU

 

November 22

Dallas Brooks Centre
Melbourne, AU

 

« Doug Stanhope: No Refunds... | Main | Stanhope in '08 has Quit in '07! »
Friday
Jul062007

"Is that concrete all around or is it in my head...

Brother, you guessed..."

Mott the Hoople"All The Young Dudes"

Not a few months ago, Chaille and I were sitting in the bloat and raw smells of our own shame in a Peoria Radisson, trying to recover any necessary memories from the weekend that might be needed as evidence of actual innocence.

Marcus Brownrigg is a gentleman on the road with the USDA who we'd shared a cocktail and a story with at the hotel lounge nights before it had all spun out of control. Now, we're back in the lounge and rating our mistakes on a scale of originality when Marcus strolls in again.

We share another drink, Chaille and me looking with

1,000-yard stares and filth in our eyes.

Marcus is our age but it's been a while since he's seen our days.

"You know, one day your out boozing and chasing women and then one day you wake up with a wife and kids and a mortgage..." he starts.

Chaille interrupts, "No, some of us still wake up in the same clothes we had on the night before."

'Nuf said.

 


 

Brooks Brown was standing outside of Columbine High School when his friends Eric & Dylan told him to go home. Then they walked in and killed a bunch of folks. The number is irrelevent now that the record has been broken. How many home runs did Roger Maris hit? You used to know but it doesn't matter anymore. But once they were kings, Eric and Roger and Dylan. And Brooks Brown caught the ball, so to speak.

 

Brooks had been initially and publicly identified by the local police as a suspect, a possible third gunman and that fucked up his life pretty good. I remembered him from the story. I did a bit on "Die Laughing" about school shootings based on Columbine, the gist of it being that other kids being rotten shitheads is never addressed as a driving catalyst to the violence. I said it funnier than all that, of course. Brooks Brown and his dad thought so and came to my shows in Denver & Colorado Springs last week.

Every comic has moments that make them feel justified in what they do. For some it was Carson or Letterman or even a parent who didn't believe they could make it. Brooks Brown coming to see me based on a bit that was roundly booed in it's infancy by people not involved in the affair meant more than any money or exposure I've ever recieved.

Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were some fucked up dudes. Life gave them lemons and they made gasoline. I made a routine out of it and Brooks made a book. His story is fascinating and you can get it here.

 


Buy it here.

 


Chaille, Bingo and I seem to all have colds that won't go away. We sent Bingo to the doctor because she has insurance. When we find out what's wrong with her, we'll split her medication three ways. That's communism.


My Showtime special "Doug Stanhope: No Refunds" premieres August 3rd and repeats throughout the month. The DVD will release at the same time eventually. I'll jack you up to buy it since that's my job.

Jobs suck.


I'd forgotten how funny Troy Baxley [ video ] is and I didn't know how funny Rob Pue [ video ] was but I found out. Google em both. And, while you're at it, Google Smoochknob. I'm hoping to do more shows with all of them down the road.


 

If you text me, don't expect me to text back. I'll read it but remember that you could just call and leave a message quicker since I almost never answer my phone. If I call you, I hope you don't answer either. Phones are for the transfer of necessary information as far as I'm concerned, not for socializing. We can talk about what's new at the bar next time we see each other.

 


 


I ordered about 400 dollars worth of documentaries from Amazon. I'm off the road for most of the summer and the worthy selections in this small town burn out in a weekend. 400 bucks is a worthwhile investment. I'll go through my library and let you know which ones you need to see.


"If you're headed through Laramie, Wyoming - come party with one of your Myspace friends!" This story gets kinda weird.

I get these kind of emails every day from folks I don't know. Today I got one from some teenagers wanting me to come do shrooms in the woods with them in Massachusetts. Just the image of it all made me laugh.

The difference with the Myspace friend in Wyoming - Dan Mickelson is that we were about to go through Laramie with the night off. Bingo's friend Graham even has a band in Laramie so we talked to him and hooked up a show with me and the band - Green Street Majority - on 24 hours notice, just to party with Dan Mickelson.

I emailed Dan back and told him that we would, in fact, love nothing more than to party with him in Laramie and that we'd put together a show just for the occassion. Bingo and Graham spent that afternoon printing up t-shirts that said "I partied with Dan Mickelson" along with his Myspace photo. Even the dog - Ichabod - wore a
"I humped Dan Mickelson" bandana.

 

 

This is where it starts getting weird.

Graham's roommate saw the t-shirts and said that he knew Dan Mickelson. He said Dan worked for him previously and that the called him "Shooter" much to Dan's annoyance. The roommate told us stories about Dan and some alleged date rape and then some retaliatory shooting up of someone's house with an assault rifle.

Later, we found out that Dan Mickelson had supposedly just gotten off house arrest for his role in the shooting.

Laramie, Wyoming you may know for the famous murder of Matthew Shepard - a young gay man that was lured from a Laramie bar under the false pretense of some homosexual lovin only to be chained to a fencepost and pistol whipped to death. [ Matthew Shepard Memorial Site ]

It turns out that Dan Mickelson's cousin had owned the bar that Matthew Shepard was set up.

It turns out that this is the same bar we're playing tonight.

We show up and Dan Mickelson is there with his girlfriend and they don't seem to know what to make of all the t-shirts and we don't know if he's armed or even finds this to be funny.

 

I offer him a shot and he tells me he doesn't drink. This makes me wonder what his idea of "party" means. He apologizes and makes reference to the fact that he gets a bit ugly when he drinks. I told him I heard a bit about him and maybe it was for the best that he stay sober.

The show still lived up to our expectations of doom even without Dan being the loose cannon hoodlum we'd imagined. The night started rowdy and slowly spiralled out of control while fights broke out and the height of the stage was the only reason I could get nose to nose with a big meaty ham-head who'd taken drunken objection to something I'd said. The fearlessness you have from alcohol isn't necessarily good and a lot of times you really should be afraid when you aren't. I wasn't drunk enough to think I could win but I was pretty sure he wouldn't swing. I'm glad I was right.

We never got the full story on Dan Mickelson. He seemed like a decent guy but I wouldn't want to have to hang around very long in Laramie to get to know him. Myspace is close enough for me.


We shot a lot of video on this last trip and a lot of it - including Laramie with Dan Mickelson will be up soon at comedynet.com. Stay tuned.


Another random email came from an attorney in Livingston, Montana asking me to come play the bar where he drinks too much on a regular basis. The offer included a guest house on the Yellowstone River for the weekend and a rafting trip. There's no place I'd rather be than Montana in the summer and it was the highlight of the run. We even ran into Rich Hall and his wife and got unforgivably shitfaced together at Chico Hot Springs.

I don't have a massive base of folks who like what I do but the ones I do have are tenacious and overly generous. I get stuff from people all the time, CDs and DVDs and drugs and weekend vacations and odd or fantastic free shit in the mail. I love free shit and I always look around my place at stuff having no idea where it came from aside from that it came from one of you people on the road.

Sorry if I don't say thanks often enough but I think it every day when I'm home.

 


I really sucked ass in Vancouver, more shows than not. That happens occasionally when I'm sick of everything I've been saying and haven't worked on anything new to replace it. Then I self-destruct and start over from scratch. Glad you could be there for a Last Days of Lenny Bruce-style meltdown.


Mamu took us to a sex club in Portland. Lots of middle-aged people fucking and blowing each other and jacking themselves off in different rooms and hot tubs.

In Seattle, I took an aging whore up on her offer of a "scantilly-clad haircut."

Neither of these stories go anywhere and not only because I had Bingo with me. There wasn't much at either place to lead me astray even if I were single. But I felt like I let you down but not at least jamming a comb in the whore or beating off on swingers just so this part of the update would be more entertaining or objectionable. A younger me would have done so.

 

Mamu and Chaille at Diablo's- Eugene, OR

 

I told Bingo that I should have some kind of out - where if any infidelity would lead to really good stage material, that I'd have a pass. I mean, I love Bingo but business is business. I haven't yet got an answer.


 

Bingo is back in Portland re-mixing and mastering her album. She sends her regards and says to tell you she hasn't checked her email or Myspace in a month and that she'll get back to you all eventually. She probably won't but her heart is in the right place. Stay tuned for news on her upcoming book and CD. The bird-flu cough should add an extra something to the music.


I'll be opening for Artie Lange in Vegas at the Hard Rock July 28th. You can get tickets here. These shows always teeter on falling apart and leave you tap-dancing for assholes. It should be a gas.


Another email - this one from a paralyzed Iraq war veteran - Tomas Young - thanking me for doing what I do. Like Brooks Brown, it was justifying to hear it from those quarters. He was referring to the material regardning the troops on "Deadbeat Hero," the same chunk that so many people said was offensive to people like Tomas.

I told him that if he needed new legs, that I've been a smoker for 26 years and rarely use mine. What else

do you say?

He wrote back and included a link to a new movie made about him by Phil Donahue with original music by Eddie Vedder. Check it out.www.bodyofwar.com

Watch it right after your 4th of July bar-b-que. It'll help settle the ribs. Trust me.

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