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TOUR DATES

 

August 13

Hotel Congress
Tucson, AZ

 

August 15

Highline Ballroom
New York, NY

 

August 16

Highline Ballroom
New York, NY

 

August 17

Highline Ballroom
New York, NY

 

August 21

Comedy Store
Los Angeles, CA

 

August 22

Comedy Store
Los Angeles, CA

 

August 27

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA

 

August 28

Cobb's Comedy Club
San Francisco, CA

 

September 12

The Trocadero
Philadelphia, PA

 

September 13

State Theatre
Falls Church, VA
Cheapest tickets are at the Venue Box Office

 

September 18

San Jose Improv
San Jose, CA

 

September 19

The Mohawk
Austin, TX

 

September 27

Plaza Hotel & Casino
Las Vegas, NV

 

October 7

El Paso Comic Strip Comedy Club
El Paso, TX

 

October 9

Launchpad
Albuquerque, NM

 

October 10

Outland Ballroom
Springfield, MO

 

October 14

Jukebox Comedy Club
Peoria, IL

 

October 15

Rock Island Brewing Company
Rock Island, IL

 

November 11

The Greek Club
Brisbane, AU

 

November 14

UNSW Roundhouse
Sydney, AU

 

November 16

Venue TBA
Adelaide, AU

 

November 22

Venue TBA
Melbourne, AU

 

« The Vote | Main | Lake Tahoe »
Tuesday
Sep142004

Tommy T's

So I haven't been updating. I've been bored or boring or otherwise put out. I think I may be moving to Costa Rica to shake things up. That means one of you will have to be responsible for Mother.


 

Tommy T's in Concord is part comedy club, part dance club and the last part country/western bar. I don't know which part is responsible for the partons being patted down at the door. Maybe it's the combination - maybe they don't fraternize with each other so good.

I am scared of black people for the same reason I am scared of any sort of people that can tell I am different just by looking. The good people in any faction account for only a terrified minority and don't consider their membership to be anything other than trivial detail. The prevailing numbers are rapists and tailgaters that will huddle in the comfort of a group mindset using whatever common denominator as a thru-line to the largest army.

We are gay or Brazilian or Marines or Aryan or Mothers Against Having Fun. We are not alone. We are many in numbers and armed with a slogan and a bumpersticker.

This why I am generally a-scared of black folk. I assume that they don't like me because they assume I don't like them because they, like me, are betting with the odds that most people are shitheads.

 

If all Texans were gray in color, I would always be scared to play Houston.

Leon Jackson was very drunk at Tommy T's and the door people let him know as much when they politely put him out on the street. Poor Leon. He tried to plead his case but was unable to speak and stand at the same time. Leon is black but I didn't see him as a black person. I saw him as a stumbling drunk without a friend in the world. I saw him as one of my group.

He was crawling out of the dumpster when I met him. The largest of the door army had gently tossed him in there when he wouldn't shut up and leave. So I gave him a slice of pizza and took over where the bouncers left off - trying to understand one of the thousands of unintelligible words dropping out of his mouth.

But rather than convince him to go on his way, I just gave him the energy to go back to the club for another round.

He called my friends white motherfuckers and gave me the out by saying I was a cool white motherfucker and that made me feel cool. Something always makes me feel extra cool when I black person likes me, even if they are retarded drunk and casting aspersions on my peers. Insulting someone for being white rarely gets any response but a laugh. Like insulting someone for being a cop or a lawyer or for being too thin.

But Leon just got carried away with himself after the kindness we showed him and went back after the largest doorguy - who calmly put him back over his shoulder took him across the parking lot and set him back in the dumpster where Leon fell right to sleep and dreamed the dreams of angels.

 


Word is that the new DVD/CD is at Best Buy. If you are ever there, tear one open and put it in one of their players at top volume. I think its only stealing if you leave the store with it. Otherwise you claim to have been trying it on like you would shoes. But if you're gonna buy it, buy it HERE so I may possibly see a profit. Then burn it off and spread it around to your broke friends.

Or burn it off and leave it plaing loudly at any Best Buy or Circuit City, etc. Thats gonna be my new guerilla marketing campaign. Let me know on the message board if you actually do this.


Did you sign the mailing list? The big drawing is December 30th. The prize may be getting bigger.


 

Scotland again made comedy appear to be an artform. Which only makes it harder to come back here to perform. I could be making balloon animals for the autistic. Why not move to the UK? Because it's dreary and dank and miserable with a constant sense of impending doom and I was only there when it was nice out. If comedy were still more important to me than enjoying my life, I'd be there in a minute.

But there's no reason you can't come down to Costa Rica and find me. I'll tell you some jokes over cold beer and 80 degree winter nights for pennies on the dollar.

A million thanks to Brian Hennigan who plays the UK press like a puppet government and makes me calm in Scotland by always being manic and at the edge of the cliff. I - like you - don't like fun either.

        ~Doug

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